


The Perfect Person

by mrbarbacarisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Christmas, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, Seasonal Affective Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28703076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrbarbacarisi/pseuds/mrbarbacarisi
Summary: Peter is tired. He's felt exhausted for weeks, but he keeps going. He keeps trying because the squad needs him, the victims need him. But most of all, he keeps going because Sonny needs him.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Peter Stone
Comments: 6
Kudos: 13





	The Perfect Person

Peter is tired. He’s felt exhausted for weeks, whether he drinks or not, whether he sleeps or not. Most days, he spends all his energy just turning off his alarm and getting out of bed. His focus drifts in and out most days. But he keeps going. He evaluates evidence, he preps witnesses, he takes cases to court and wins. But none of it removes the ever present weight on his shoulders. Not even a little. But he still keeps going. He keeps trying because the squad needs him, the victims need him.

When everything in Peter’s life feels draining and pointless, he has to keep going especially because Sonny needs him. Sonny needs the support, especially after a long hard day of seeing victims distraught, having rapists walk free, or failing to find an important lead in a kidnapping. And that doesn’t even include the days when Sonny is in the line of fire. Sonny has a hard job and he’s always hurting, but Peter can ease some of it. So that’s what he does. He helps, he supports. He makes sure Sonny is okay.

And if Sonny’s smile or his laugh makes Peter able to forget for even a moment about the molasses he has to move through to exist, it’s worth it. It’s always worth it.

Until Peter ruins a perfectly happy day by breaking down at a stupid Christmas movie. Sonny pauses the movie when Peter tried to talk through tears.

“You okay?” Sonny asks quietly.

And those two words somehow break the dam because Peter is sobbing now and he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop. He finds himself crying into Sonny’s shirt as he holds him, rubbing his back, doing everything _Peter_ does for Sonny. And that makes him cry even harder.

When he finally calms down, Peter pulls away, sinking back into the couch, staring straight ahead with arms his crossed. “Sorry I ruined the movie.”

Sonny hesitates. “I ... you don’t need to apologize. Is this something you want to talk about?”

Peter swallows. Because just thinking about it makes him want to cry again. “No.”

"Okay. Do you want to watch something else?"

"No, this is okay."

"We watch this movie every year. You know it only gets sadder."

"I'm fine."

Sonny stares at him for a long moment before speaking. "You just cried on me for at least half an hour. Is that what 'fine' is in your book?"

Peter forces himself to look at him. "I'm really okay."

But Sonny doesn't do what Peter expects him to do. Sonny doesn't just nod and turn back to the TV. He sighs, sounding incredibly exasperated. And then for some reason, he sounds sad when he replies, "I can't help if I don't know what's wrong."

Peter closes his eyes. "No one can help. But I'll be okay."

"Why?" 

Peter's eyes snap open at how devastated he sounds. He meets Sonny's eyes, which now are watery too. His heart clenches at the sight. "Why what?" 

"Why can no one help?"

He swallows. "Because it's not fair. Everyone else is busy and has other things to worry about. You especially don't need to worry about me."

He frowns. "Me especially? Why?"

Peter shakes his head. "It's not fair for me to ask you to deal with ... me when you have so much else going on. I'll be okay."

Sonny huffs. "So I just have to watch you suffer and be okay with that?"

Peter blinks. "What?"

"Please just tell me what's wrong or whatever else is bothering you because it's not just the movie."

"It is," Peter replies, frustrated. "It _is_ just the movie because nothing else is wrong. I'm not ... cases aren't haunting me. I'm not upset with you or anyone else. I'm not even ... I'm not even upset that I don't have any immediate family over the holidays. I've just been tired for awhile. But I still go to work and spend time with Liv and Noah and see you. I will be okay."

Sonny takes in a breath. "How long is awhile?"

Peter frowns. "I don't know. A few months."

"And if ... if you didn't break down crying today, you were what? Just not going to tell me?"

Peter shrugs. "I can still live my life. People need me. There's nothing to tell."

"You need someone too, Peter."

He blinks rapidly at the tears that threaten to spill. He swallows, taking a breath. "There's no ... there's no perfect person that's going to swoop in and fix everything."

Sonny pulls him close again, holding him tightly. "I'm not perfect," he murmurs into Peter's hair. "But I'm here, okay? Don't shut me out because you think you're sparing me some pain. _That's_ not fair either."

Peter starts to cry again.

"I love you," Sonny says.

"I love you too," Peter murmurs through his tears.


End file.
